The price of being 22 and engaged

During my 14 month engagement, I have read a plethora of stories about young women in their early 20s who were bent upon not being engaged. All the articles were written by different women who emphasized just how important it was to be single in your early 20’s because of all the cool things you can do (like eat Nutella and not feel ashamed).  The author made a failed attempt to use eating Nutella in your underwear as a reason to stay single while young. We will get to that later.  I tried and tried to understand where these female authors were coming from. During my engagement, I also tried to understand where friends and family were coming from when they said I was too young to be hitched or that I had the rest of my life to be married. But, I realized that these people who I deemed to be close to me weren’t trying to see my side of things. They weren’t trying to see the awesome experiences I have had because I have been in a relationship. They didn’t even want to see how a healthy engagement was changing my life and paving the way for a fun yet stable future. I decided to no longer focus on their viewpoint and solely focus on mine. This is how I see it.

Myth 1 Being engaged/married young means that you stop having fun: Being engaged has shown me different ways to have fun.  I have discovered two-person activities and life-changing hobbies that I never would’ve discovered. For example, my fiance was a college football player and introduced me to weightlifting.

Myth 2: Being engaged/married young is too soon to make someone your world: My fiance is not my world.  No matter how old I am, I would hope my significant other would not be the sole reason why I eat and breathe. My world is made up of different hobbies, people, and ideas.

Myth 3: Being engaged/married young means you won’t get to date anymore: Isn’t the whole purpose of dating to find someone that you eventually want to settle down with? I found my partner sooner rather than later and now we get to spend more time together.

Myth 4: You are too young to know what you want: I can only speak for myself. The first 2 years that I spent partying and dating around in college was enough of an indication of who and what I do not desire. I learned quickly thanks to some polarizing experiences and eye-opening times. I was blessed to learn what I feel comfortable with and move forward at a young age.

Myth 5: Being engaged/married young will stop your career:  This concern is heavily linked with the outdated assumption that couples will reproduce very quickly into marriage.  Let’s just get this one out of the way.  If you are a couple who decides to have kids, there is more time to do so if you marry young.  Yes, I know that women can now have children well into their forties but I am speaking on this topic very loosely.  If you get married younger, there won’t be as much of a biological pressure to have children (except if you really want to). Arguably, you still have space and time to develop your career and spend time with one another before the kids. Also, because I know that I am building a foundation and a future, I am working even harder to make sure that we can enjoy our life together. When I was single, I didn’t give care if I was on track or not. My decisions and my habits only helped or hurt me.  Now, I feel responsible for building my empire with my future husband and I have never worked more diligently.

Myth 6: You can’t eat a whole jar of Nutella in your underwear if engaged/married young: Any man who tries to stop you from indulging in Nutella if you freaking want it is not a keeper anyways. A good fiance/husband will laugh on lovingly and call you his little fatty in jest.

That being said, the price of being engaged is actually a pretty good deal.

 

7 Must-Haves for Every Bride

 

1) Love surrounding you: This is the most important time of your life.  Things got hectic, things got obnoxiously hectic. But the love and support of those near and dear to you should have lifted you up and highlighted the creative planning moments instead of tore you down and further added to the stressful periods. Be willing to give and receive the love of those special people in your life who want to give and receive it.  Do beware, however, that engagements are an extremely hard time for relationships.  Some friends do begin to act differently after engagements and it is up to you to gauge whether their behavior is simply different because they are giving you space to cram and plan your new life or different because there is resentment and ill feelings.

2) A Veil: I know some women choose to not wear a wedding veil. However, I do believe every bride should snag this chance to wear a veil that matches her style and accentuates her gown.  Your wedding is the only time you can wear a veil (in a serious setting, not Halloween).  Do not let it slip away! Without a veil, I tend to think that a wedding gown just looks like a pretty white dress.

3) Positivity: Be positive towards how you will handle the unideal moments on your wedding day. Be optimistic that the things that go wrong- and things will- won’t ruin your day.  There are some things (mother nature) that you simply have no control over and you need to remember to have a positive outlook on those factors. I promise you, no guest is going to hold it against you that it rained and you had to move your ceremony inside!

4) Personal style: Every bride wants her wedding to be a beautiful event and the most special thing she ever plans in her life.  Sometimes this might mean that she steps out of her personal style in order to create a luxurious, once in a lifetime wedding.  If you are a bride who is in love with a rustic venue, book it! You have the power to dress your wedding up but still fit your taste. It makes no sense to book a ballroom and wear a ball gown wedding dress if your style is more laid-back and non-traditional.  Be true to your style.

5) Time for you: Every bride should spend time away from family, friends, and the fiancé in order to incorporate time for themselves. Engagements are a busy time and that is why you cannot forget to be a bit selfish and make time for you. It will be nice to hear yourself think about things other than the wedding.

6) Days of serenity: Going off the last point, I think every bride should make time for days that do not include wedding planning. You might find yourself involved in daily discussions of snippets of the wedding with your friends and fiancé. This is normal for brides to do but is not really beneficial for everyone.  These these talks should be spread out.  Remember that your fiancé and your friends probably need a break from all the wedding talk.  Sometimes we brides just can’t see how often and how high wedding dosages we are giving to our close circle.  Your friends might smile through the talk but in the end they won’t remember that you changed your mind from navy place settings to ivory.  They will remember how much you talked about your wedding which might cause the problem discussed in point 1. Avoid this by having off-days where you only talk about what is new in their lives (do keep in mind that you should always talk about their lives during days where you also talk about your awesome wedding).

7) Signature scent: It is a fact that scents take you back.  Whenever I wear my Alien perfume, I always remember the spring I got engaged because that was what I was wearing during that semester of college.  It’s funny because I didn’t even wear the scent while he got down on one knee but the scent is enough to take me to that amazing day.  Every bride should choose a scent that brings back fond memories or a new scent for the wedding that can create special future memories.

3 Things I Wish I Knew Before Getting Engaged

Before you grab some popcorn and assume that this is a rant about how being engaged has negatively impacted my relationship, let me assure you that this article is not that dramatic. Instead, I am mapping out specific things I wish I knew about friend involvement, proposals, and wedding timelines prior to becoming engaged.

1) No one is going to be more excited about your engagement than you and your fiancé: It is easy to expect those around you to be jumping up and down with joy, anxious to celebrate this special time in your life.  But ultimately, this is your engagement.  Do not expect everyone to constantly be up for dress drama, centerpiece drama, and neutral wedding chit-chat at every moment.  I firmly believe that close friends and family should make time for your planned engagement party with advanced notice, but it is unrealistic to expect them to drop everything to spontaneously celebrate with you.  People have lives and things get busy.  Try to not be overly upset if your maid of honor in graduate school 1,000 miles away cannot throw you a bridal shower.  A lot of brides plan events on their own, such as the engagement party.

2) Stop comparing proposals: This is a big one for woman- and men- in our generation.  If you were thoroughly surprised and loved your fiancé’s spontaneous proposal at Chipotle, enjoy it! What’s there not to love? But if you loved your spontaneous Chipotle proposal until you saw Mary Lou’s scavenger hunt, air balloon, ring on a puppy proposal, then you need to think about things that really matter.  Everyone has a different personality.  What your fiance is comfortable with might be something completely over-the-top for someone else’s fiancé and that is completely ok.  In the end, he asked and that should be all that matters. Stop comparing your proposal to the ones that go viral. That topic is reserved for another blog post on another day. And you might want to grab your popcorn because that is guaranteed to be a rant fest.

Fun Fact: I wrote this post after seeing a picture shared on Facebook that begged for the future fiancé to hire good quality hidden professional photographers to capture the moment. What’s next? Begging him for a Mary Lou style proposal just because Mary Lou got it? I am all for a man hiring a photographer on his own but once you demand that from him (and through a Facebook post for God’s sake) it becomes absolutely unacceptable. A proposal is one of the only things he can do his way, so let him do it his way without too much intervention from you, the person who will take over planning for the decor and beyond. PS: Thank you Clay for giving me the woodsy, private proposal that a Maine girl like me has always desired. 

3) Don’t be overly productive if you have a 1+ year engagement: I am so guilty of this.  The fiancé and I are currently in the midst of a 14 month engagement.  I found myself immediately wanting to jump into planning about 1 week later! Enjoy the first month. This does not mean that there are not things you should be looking into, such as venues.  Venues get booked quickly and it’s always wise if you have a list of potential places at the 2 week mark.  However, do not feel like the centerpieces, caterers, and the honeymoon all need to be researched and on their way to getting booked until three months into your engagement.  I know you will want to immediately start the search and begin to piece together your bridal dream, but planning too soon allows more time for changes and downtime when you are bored.  A longer engagement has its perks financially and organizationally.  Make sure you take advantage of this! Spread things out and soak in this most important and exciting time of your life.